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First appointment … – Chosing to become a Mum, alone

First appointment …

So as I have said before, I am using a brand new clinic for my treatment. Mainly because my friends work there and I like the thought of going somewhere where I will know a friendly face or two. Also it is not like the team there are all newly qualified and are finding their way … it is essentially a team of skilled professionals setting up in a shiny new premises. It is all above board, I have checked!

Anyway because it is a new team in a new building, I have had to wait a few months between making The Decision and being able to speak to someone at the clinic. I mean I could having spoken to any other clinic in the world to ask them questions but it would have somehow felt like cheating. Granted it would have been cheating on someone who did not know I even existed, but it would have felt bad form.

Also this time allowed me to get all my shit together. Work it out in my head, get the money issue as sorted as possible, lose some weight (I say that as I am scoffing tapenade and soda bread at my local pub whilst waiting for friends, before I have a burger … baby steps,) talk to my family and friends etc etc etc etc

Last week I suddenly got a bit panicky. I needed to speak to someone, I had made up loads of dates as to when this could happen based on my knowledge of zero and I needed to know what the actual facts were. So I text my poor friend again and asked if the doors were finally open to the building that could change the course of my life forever. Yes, yes they were!! Even better than that I had a name and a number of someone I could call to arrange my first consultation. I felt giddy. Finally I could get this ball I had been balancing on my head for the last however long, rolling down the hill.

I called the next day, it felt like I was calling to get my exam results. A kind voice answered. I suddenly lost any ability to talk. You know like when you know people are watching you walk and you suddenly get 7 legs. I was put through to the lady I needed to speak to and the first question I asked was, ‘what is the company called?’ I had NO idea even what the name was. Such an amateur! Anyway I eased in to conversation and she explained she knew about me from my friends. By this point I was so relaxed by the thought that she was expecting to hear from me that I almost melted into my chair and then started chatting. I am terribly good at chat. Especially when nervous. I don’t shut up. I try and crack jokes, it’s embarrassing. Anyway finally, we booked an appointment. The Appointment. The first one. NEXT FRIDAY.

10 more sleeps. Shit.

 

 

Photo: Sunset tonight from the meadow behind my house. So gorgeous.

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